She is a fun, quirky lady with a dirty imagination and fantasies that know no boundaries. She is also a devoted teacher, mother and wife who enjoys dabbling in what she calls “erotic realism”, the secret and spicy sexual life of ordinary folks that rarely find their place in erotic romance. Her tales combine the naughty, the kinky and the heart warming. It was a huge pleasure to invite Ms. Patient Lee for a little intimate chat.
Lilah: Hello Patient, thanks for taking time off your busy schedule to come and meet us. You describe your style of writing as “erotic realism”. Tell us more about it. How did you figure out that was your niche? Have you always been writing of ordinary people?
Patient: I didn’t realize there were other ways to write erotica. I never read fantasy or sci-fi, so I didn’t know I was doing something different. I haven’t even read Fifty Shades of Grey, so writing about billionaires didn’t occur to me. I started writing about my husband and me, and when I progressed into fiction, I stuck with people who were like us. Since then I’ve branched out of my comfort zone, writing about crab fishermen, gay men, homeless women, but I’m still drawn to the nitty-gritty, down-and-dirty, regular life of regular people.
Lilah: Did you ever write in genres different from erotica and romance?
Patient: Not yet. I will. I’m looking for another niche. I think about writing mysteries or something, but I don’t know much about police officers or detectives or anything. There’s a “writers’ police academy” in Wisconsin during the summer that I’m interested in attending. If I could learn the lingo and the procedures to make my characters realistic, I’d be interested.
I have written a couple of chapters of a children’s novel with my thirteen-year-old daughter, but I have a long way to go on that.
Lilah: How do you combine your love of writing with family life and a full-time job? Do you schedule your time for writing? Do you have any rituals you need to get in the mood?
Patient: I’m a hot mess. I haven’t written too much in the last year. I got hung up on a story I was working on for an anthology, and it took me half a year to give up and move on. I teach high school, so it isn’t just the work that keeps me from writing. It’s hard to think sexy thoughts when I’m worrying about a student, or a project, or how far behind I am in grading their work.
My family is supportive. I do tend to get tunnel vision when I’m writing, and I forget to grocery shop or cook dinner, but for the most part, my husband and children are proud of me for being a writer. Right now my struggle is the amount of time I spend driving my kids to the skating rink. I hate to drive, and I resent that I can’t do anything else while I’m driving.
I don’t have rituals, but I write much better when I’m sitting at my camper, overlooking the creek. We’re there every weekend from April to October, and I spend most of the summer break there.
Lilah: What is the most challenging about being a self-published author? What frustrates you the most and what is the sweetest part of it?
Patient: I am not a salesperson. I’m not good at marketing myself. I crave feedback more than money, so I end up giving away too many books.
What frustrates me the most is the roadblocks indies encounter. Amazon deleting reviews, Facebook blocking accounts—it pisses me off.
The sweetest part of self-publishing is knowing that I don’t have to worry about a publisher closing shop or taking the money and running. The sweetest part of the whole thing is getting feedback from readers who truly enjoy my books. It’s better than the bit of money I’m earning.
Lilah: Tell us more about the Radio Challenge? How did you come up with it and what is your favorite Radio Challenge story?
Patient: The Radio Challenge came about after a challenge on Literotica’s Authors’ Hangout. FAWC 4- Friendly Anonymous Writing Challenge. FAWC 4 was a music challenge. There were four songs to choose from, and I chose Midnight Train to Georgia by Gladys Knight and the Pips. The line “LA was too much for the man” spoke to me. I thought, “What is another situation in which someone might leave home seeking fame and fortune?” Crab fishing. My LA became a crab boat called the Lost Agnes.
Because having a male/female relationship on a crab boat presented its own challenge, so I tried something new—gay male romance. The crab boat setting also gave me the opportunity to try writing in a grammatically incorrect, working man’s dialect, which I really enjoyed.
I won the challenge. The prize was a virtual trophy and bragging rights, but it was my sweetest contest win because the authors of the stories weren’t revealed until the winner was announced, so it wasn’t a popularity contest like so many other contests. This one was selected by my peers, and no one guessed that I was the author.
I discuss this story and the FAWC challenges in depth on my blog here: http://patientleewriting.blogspot.com/2016/07/another-dirty-excerpt-gay-greenhorn-on.html
After this one, I started finding inspiration in songs all the time. This playlist contains some of the songs that inspired some of my stories: https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLOMiaxBuz4TGd3Wl_QGVkLFRrI4t4B1Sy
I don’t remember the moment I had the idea for the Radio Challenge, but I wish other authors would take part because I love it. You listen to your favorite radio station, and when the NEXT song comes on, write a story inspired by the song. Send it to me and I feature it on my website. Check it out and participate! http://www.patientlee.com/radio-.html
Lilah: Favorite character out of your writing?
Patient: http://www.patientlee.com/mrs.-maitland-s-sad-valentine.html Mrs. Maitland. She’s a widow in her forties who falls in love with the twentysomething custodian who cleans her biology classroom. She breeds ball pythons for Valentine’s Day, and gives pussy licking lessons to her young lover, using a biology textbook before the practical exam in the bedroom.
http://www.patientlee.com/sharing-her-heart.html I also wrote a prequel where she meets her first husband in high school. I’m crazy fond of this story.
Lilah: Is there something you’d like to write about but you haven’t dared so far?
Patient: There are a lot of things I’d like to write, but number one on the list is a novel. I have three outlined. I just don’t get enough writing time to commit to such a large project. One is about an older woman who falls in love with a tattoo artist. Since I don’t have a single tattoo, I figure I should wait for that experience to write the story. (And I won’t be getting a tattoo any time soon. I have three kids. They’re expensive.)
Lilah: What can we expect from Patient Lee? Future writing plans?
Patient: Right now I’m working on a short story called Breathless: A Nuptial Tragedy. It’s about foster siblings’ wedding night. It’s not incest or anything, foster care was where they met. It’s for my next collection, Quick & Dirty Volume Two: Milestones.
The first volume consists of five stories of exhibitionism and voyeurism. The new book is about five milestones in adults’ lives: losing one’s virginity, marriage proposal, the wedding night, first pregnancy, and a funeral. (Unrelated stories, not the same characters)
Lilah: Thanks a lot for sharing your quirky, sensual self with us. As a final question, is there any fact about you that very few people know or suspect of?
Patient: My real self is very private, but my writer self doesn’t keep too many secrets. Pretty much everything is out there. I’m married to my husband of 20 years, and I have a girlfriend too. That’s probably the most interesting part, so I’ll leave you that.
Thanks, Lilah. This was a fun interview!
A NAUGHTY EXCERPT
Mrs. Maitland’s SAD Valentine
Her mouth enveloped the tip and she teased it with her tongue. He moaned again, and she moved her head down, taking him all the way to the back of her mouth. She pulled off his cock for a moment, “I forgot how good this tastes. It’s all over my mouth.” With a smile on her face, Judy dipped her head lower and licked his balls, eliciting a loud groan from her young lover.
“Oh, my god,” was all he could manage to say.
Her tongue continued up his shaft to the sensitive spot where it met the head. She collected some saliva and used it to flick her tongue back and forth on this spot with no friction. His hands went to her head, and she turned up the speed.
As she fellated him, she thought about the absurdness of the situation. Here she was at age forty-eight, giving him head like she was a horny teenager. She hadn’t had a cock in her mouth since her husband died.
Her tongue did most of the work, licking around the head and down his shaft and back to tease the pre-cum out of his slit. When she took him all the way in again, she realized that his length was too much for her. Almost two inches of cock remained exposed. She took her fingers and wrapped them around the base of his cock. She jerked, just a little bit, in time with the movements of her tongue. His hips bucked and his fingers twitched rhythmically in her hair. She could tell he was getting close, and she moaned on his cock to encourage him.
Brad couldn’t manage rational thought. The best he could do was grunt. He wanted to warn Judy, and give her the opportunity to move, but it was too late. “Ung . . . Coming . . . Ung . . .”
Judy kept licking and jerking, and she braced herself to catch his cum. The base of his cock twitched against her fingers. She looked up at him, but his eyes were closed.
When the first spurt hit the roof of her mouth, she was almost overcome with emotion. It had been so long since she’d been with a man, and the salty-sour taste of cum flooded her with memories and hope for the future all at the same time.
She sucked every drop and swallowed before she sat up. Tears rolled from her eyes.
She crawled up next to Brad and put her head on the pillow. It was a long moment before Brad could do more than moan. He finally turned to look at Judy and saw her tears.
“What? Did I gag you? I’m sorry . . .”
“No, sweetheart. I’m a little bit emotional. I haven’t done that in a long time,” she said.
“I wanted to warn you, but I couldn’t talk. I’m sorry,” he said.
“Brad, stop saying that. It’s not about your cum. It’s about you. I’m so happy you’re here,” she said.
“I’m happy I’m here too. I’m even happier now that I’ve had the most amazing blowjob of my life. I would not have guessed that you would do that.”
“I was married for twenty-four years. Your generation didn’t invent the blowjob, you know. Robert was quite fond of oral sex, both giving and receiving. And yes. I swallow,” she added with a smile.
A KINKY EXCERPT
Collared in the Temple of Dendur
That he held my arm was the only sign that we were at the museum together once we broke our kiss. We didn’t speak. I imagined that we looked more like colleagues than lovers. He carried a briefcase; I had a leather folio, perfect for note taking. Perhaps other museum visitors thought we were professor and student. Maybe boss and secretary. Certainly not two people about to fuck in the antechamber of the Temple of Dendur in New York’s Metropolitan Museum of Art.
I wanted to tell him that I was nervous. That maybe this wasn’t such a good idea after all. What if someone saw us and knew what we were doing? What if a guard or a security camera caught sight of our lewd act in public? What if someone from his department saw us fucking in the museum exhibit? Wouldn’t it damage his reputation? He had much more to lose than I. I was screaming these questions in my head, but I wouldn’t make a sound without his permission. I had to be good and do what I was told, or he’d take my hand and march me right out of the museum. This was my fantasy, after all, and I had to earn its fulfillment.
At least, I thought it was my fantasy. When we discussed it, my wrists and ankles were bound tightly to his bed. He was teasing me with a feather that looked like a cat toy, and by the time I spewed it, I would have said anything just to get him to fuck me and let me come. “I want you to fuck me in public.” I surprised myself more than I surprised him. I didn’t know I had an exhibitionist streak in me, simmering below the surface, and at first, I thought I was offering this adventure solely for him. Making him happy had become my greatest pleasure, and I found myself submitting to his sexual desires and then making them my own.
Of course, being tied up probably had something to do with it as well.
Now, after you got to know Patient, her characters and read her steamy snippets perhaps you’d like to get a copy of her work?
Blurb: Judy Carlisle and the rest of the students in her biology class hated Robert Maitland and his stupid Trans Am, at first. Then their nasty bio teacher paired Judy and Robert up as lab partners, just in time for the pig heart dissection she’s been waiting for.
All went well until the one day. While studying Bio, a scream cut through the quiet of the library. A snake had gotten into the library and terrorized Judy’s crush, Ethan.This event immediately changed Robert’s social standing, and suddenly, he was everybody’s buddy.
When their biology teacher accuses them of cheating, will they rally to get a passing grade?
Blurb: Brad Spencer is a school custodian in his twenties, and he is spiraling out of control as the short days of winter drive him to depression. Judy Maitland is a widowed biology teacher in her forties with a Valentine’s Day lesson plan to mate her classroom pets—ball pythons.
When Brad hits rock bottom, he confesses his sins to Mrs. Maitland’s bearded dragon. She makes an after-hours visit to her classroom to check on the pythons and overhears him. She hatches a plan to enlist his help with the snakes and keep him from committing suicide. As they care for the pythons together, they become attracted to each other, and Mrs. Maitland gives Brad a very sexy lesson on the female anatomy. Just when their feelings for each other turn to love, Brad’s ex-girlfriend shows up and Judy is left to wonder if she has a place in Brad’s life.
Will Mrs. Maitland bring Brad from the darkness of depression and despair to the light of hope and love?
Mrs. Maitland’s SAD Valentine is an award-winning erotic romance that makes you feel things—hate, arousal, sympathy, concern, hope, lust, suspense and ultimately love. This smart, sexy love story contains very explicit sex and is intended for a mature audience.
Blurb: How Amy’s wicked hot lesbian fantasy came to be.
In Wicked Hot Amy confesses to Kevin that she fantasizes about sex with a woman. On a camping trip, this fantasy comes true when the couple experiences group sex for the first time.
In Wicked Cold Amy’s prudish homophobia is trumped by her uncontrolled lust for Kevin, and when she shares a hotel room with Kevin’s lesbian cousin, her mind opens against her will, and she finds herself aroused with a new fantasy.
Featuring hot MF sex and lesbian voyeurism, Wicked Cold gives a glimpse into the journey from prude to swinger. Don’t let the title fool you. It’s wicked hot.
Blurb: Amy and Kevin go to a PTA meeting to stop a strip club from moving into their community. During the meeting, they exchange dirty texts, getting them all hot and bothered for their night at home without the kids. Kevin presses Amy to tell her fantasy, and she reluctantly admits that she thinks about having sex with a woman. In turn, he tells her that he’d like to watch Amy with another man.
During a summer camping trip, Amy and Kevin meet Tina and Deacon who convince them to act on those wicked hot fantasies with them.
The weather isn’t the only hot thing in this menage tale!
Blurb: A young woman meets an older man in the wake of a break-up and discovers her submissive side. Her Master takes her to the Temple of Dendur exhibit in the Metropolitan Museum of Art where she submits to letting him fuck her in public in order to earn her collar, sealing his Dominance over her. This story features light and sensual BDSM, public submission and sex, and a Dom that will make your panties wet.
Blurb: Professor Thompson stumbles upon his student’s blog and discovers her latent submissive tendencies. He engages her in an inappropriate sexting relationship, leading Nadine to her first orgasm. His online Dominance draws her in and when he proposes a makeover and a frat party, where he’ll direct her interaction with frat boys, she goes for it. The makeup acts as a mask, giving her the freedom to be anonymous and to let her fantasies come true.
Blurb: Five erotic stories of different stages of self-discovery. From a confused teen dressing in a prom gown to grown-up straight guys discovering pleasure with another man. Gay men finding forbidden love in a punishing setting to mature men in a long-term relationship, Patient Lee’s characters represent a range of homosexual experiences. Follow the journey from the first time a young man questions his sexuality to men living a lifetime with the men they love.
Blurb: A depressed eighteen-year-old boy discovers love when he agrees to help an old friend trick a bully by dressing as a woman.
Jason’s life has been hard since his father killed his mother, and the police killed his father. Forced to live with his aunt and move away from his friends, he spends his teens lonely and depressed. Bullied at school and at work, he writes compulsively in his notebook, sometimes planning suicide, sometimes planning violence.
When his old friend Timmy reenters his life and asks him to dress as a woman to trick their childhood bully, Jason sees it as an opportunity to set things straight with the other bullies in his life as well, and he agrees to it.
What he doesn’t realize is that Timmy’s not trying to trick a bully. It’s Jason he’s deceiving.
Come with a Friend explores the mind of a depressed teenager with realism and emotion while titillating the reader with sex between a man and a man dressed as a woman. Even if this is not the kink the reader usually selects, the genuine emotion of the story will satisfy.
Blurb: A recent college graduate from Georgia is hired as a greenhorn on the fishing vessel Lost Agnes in the Bering Sea. A closeted gay deckhand recognizes that the greenhorn is also gay. Despite the deckhand’s fierce need to keep his secret, their mutual attraction drives their sexual relationship behind closed doors. But they’re in close quarters on the boat.
Unfortunately, the greenhorn doesn’t readily adapt to the world of the Bering Sea, forcing the deckhand to make a tough decision.
Hot sex, authentic emotion, and stylistically accurate dialogue make F/V Lost Agnes a satisfying read, even for readers who normally shy away from gay male stories. In addition to winning first place in the Friendly Anonymous Writing Challenge (FAWC) 4, the story also won a third place Clitorides Award in 2014.
Blurb: James and Caylin’s Netflix and chill leads to a threesome with another guy. When James hears Bob Barker’s voice in the movie Happy Gilmore, he is thrown back twenty years to a night with his buddy from the neighborhood, and he can’t let go of the memory. In the middle of sex with Caylin, he involuntarily tells her. He needs a man. Fortunately, Caylin thinks a threesome with two guys is hot, and she knows how to make it happen. Can James go through with it to satisfy his need for a man?
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Blurb: Sam goes camping and meets Larry, an older gay man. Beer fuels Sam’s admission of a gay blowjob that broke up his marriage, and Larry invites him into his camper. Loneliness and alcohol lead to a hot exchange of gay blowjobs and mutual affection.
The next evening, Larry uses his mildly dominant personality to seduce Sam into exploring anal sex.
If you enjoy gay male stories, you will love this one.
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Blurb: A lesbian erotic romance for each season by Patient Lee. (Four stories, varying in length.)
Spring: Alive and Well- A young woman traveling with missionaries in Nicaragua can’t leave the country following the March, 1931 earthquake. She writes a letter to her secret lover describing the destruction and reminiscing about their last night together. Just for fun, she details her use of an unconventional sex toy.
Summer: Fighting Fire with Fire- A fire breaks out in an RV, and a volunteer firefighter saves the welder’s dog, prompting daydreams of falling in love with the hunky owner. When she meets the welder, she discovers desires she didn’t know she had—feelings for another woman.
Autumn: Ghosts Have Pride- A young woman is unhappy in her relationship with a man until her grandmother’s ghost appears to help her discover her desire for women.
Winter: Mobile Home for the Holidays (previously published separately on AllRomance)- Two homeless women come together to pool their resources and get off the streets. Finding love together is a bonus.
Blurb: Hailey deceives herself for a long time, but she finally realizes that living in her car means she is officially homeless. She begins her new life of moving from place to place, avoiding authorities. Morgan is an eighteen year old runaway, disowned by her homophobic parents. They meet in the parking lot of a fast food restaurant and become friends. An old friend’s kindness give both of them a chance at a new life. When Hailey learns Morgan’s secret, her reaction drives Morgan away. Will Hailey find Morgan in time to tell her about their new home?
STANDALONES AND COLLECTIONS
Blurb: A gullible woman is tricked into signing up for a free trip to paradise. In return, she must “play” with the owners of a private island in a FFM romp. She experiences some firsts- lesbian sex, anal sex, and spanking, and discovers she loves them all. With a fun twist at the end, this story will make you smile. And maybe something more.
Blurb: The good guy wins in this delicious mix of wanton sex and a sweet romance.
Six friends get together each Black Friday to shop. The girls have a contest for the best bargains; the guys dream up a “sex in the mall” contest. Two of them pull out all the stops to get women to have sex with them, but the third isn’t so good looking. When “chunky but spunky” Barb offers to help him with his contest entry, they find the spark that brings them together.
Blurb: Five quick and dirty tales of voyeurism/exhibitionism. The volume includes Collared in the Temple of Dendur, What the Hell Are You Looking at, Between the Sheets, I Won a Basket of Porn, Watch Me.
Enjoy the pleasure of watching and being watched in these quick and dirty tales.
Blurb: Mature Audiences only. Contains explicit, consensual public and private, male/female sex, blowjobs, cunnilingus, female masturbation, exhibitionism/voyeurism, and nude ice skating.
Featuring hot sex and ice skating in the nude, Skater’s Waltz is the story of Trish, who meets Mark in the bar where she works after his winning hockey game. She offers him a ride home, and takes him to her apartment where they have beautiful sex. As Mark falls for her, however, he finds out that her reputation is less than pure.
Their relationship grows deeper and sexier until Trish comes to believe that Mark has betrayed her, and they prepare to go their separate ways. How will Mark and Trish overcome their differences and ensure their future together?
Blurb: A woman misinterprets a shared glance at a party, which begins an annual ritual of sending sexy Valentine’s cards to the object of her obsession. This year’s fantasy includes a hot blowjob in the ladies’ room and a little bit of quirky humor.
Blurb: An award-winning, unconventionally told story inspired by a real life premonition that came true–that I would win a vibrator. The rest of the story is fiction, told through fictional newspaper articles and the comments that follow them. It’s a satirical look at what can happen when everybody gets a say, even when they don’t understand the whole story. The story is mostly non-erotic, but there is a sexy little scene at the end, just for the fun of it.
Blurb: A couple discovers the new thrill of being watched.
A family of five vacations in New York City. When the woman’s parents offer to take the children for the night in the adjoining hotel room, they take advantage of the “adult time.” Staying quiet so parents and children don’t hear, they exchange delicious oral sex. They up the ante when she opens the curtains and presses her breasts against the cold glass, begging the people in view to watch her.
Inspired by a couple of true events, this short romp will satisfy.
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Blurb: An older man, a younger woman, a hair salon, and sex on the beach make up this romance novelette, inspired by the Hinder song Lips of an Angel.
With a thirty year difference in age between them, Joe and Angel are an unlikely pair, but they open a successful hair salon together and ignore the attraction between them. When Joe tries to do what he thinks is right and avoid a physical relationship, it sends Angel into a downward spiral. She hits rock bottom with her lead-singer boyfriend, and together, they rob Joe and crush his spirit.
Five years later, Angel has sunk even lower, and she calls Joe late at night, looking for his help. He drives to Cape Cod to come to her rescue, giving him time to think about their relationship. Can Joe save her from her abusive boyfriend in time?
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Blurb: From the authors that brought you Hot Summer Reads, we now present an anthology sure to tingle your senses, send shivers up your spine, and arouse you in ways you didn’t know erotica could.
Eight stories, all complete stories with no cliffhangers.
Patient Lee – Ghosts Have Pride – A ghost visits her granddaughter to reveal the truth about herself and to help her granddaughter discover her own sexuality.
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Blurb: Fighting Fire With Fire – When volunteer firefighter Krista saves the day, sparks fly with another woman
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Writerotica Blog: http://writerotica.com/patientlee/
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